I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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