member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
