he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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