The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
