he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
