I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
