When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
