the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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