I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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