you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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