you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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