Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
