it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
