i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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