ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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