let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
