You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
