he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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