she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
