You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
