So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
