Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
