Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
