Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
