After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
