I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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