Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
