Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
