i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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