This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
