Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I AM VODKA MAN
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
