I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
