you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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