never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
