It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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