Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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