I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
my poor anus
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
