i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
