I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
