HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
