I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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