I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
