Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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