Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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