shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just invented taco cereal.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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