I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
