I need to stop coming to work sober
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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