it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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