I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
