Betty ford says i'm here all night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
