A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
