I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
