you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
