just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
